Who am I?
by Appelsientje
Summary: After a terrible childhood May is struggling with herself and comes on the wrong path. She can't solve it alone, but doesn't want to listen to anyone. Can a certain greenhaired boy save her life? Contestshipping
1. Way too perfect

**Hey everyone! This idea suddenly came in my mind, I hope you'll like it. I'm just a beginner, so be prudent with me :P**

**Drew isn't here yet, it's all about May here.**

**And I know my chapter is way too short, I'm sorry!**

**Enjoy =]**

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><p><em>All the envious faces every time I walked by. The copying. Bullying. Why. I'm not what they think. I don't want to. I hate it.<em>

_Vandalism. Criminal. Never safe anymore. They don't listen anymore. They don't help anymore. I didn't listen. I didn't care. I don't listen to anyone. Only to myself. I do what I want…_

Teardrops fell on my computer. Old memories come back.

_Never knew it ever would go so far. I don't know what I want anymore._

I walked to the bathroom. Looked in the mirror.

_Well, this is me. I look so much like when I was little. Same amazing blue eyes. Same perfect brown hair. Same beautiful smile._

I curled my hair around my finger and took a tissue to remove my tears.

_I was happy about the way I look. I couldn't complain about my face or body._

_But was I happy inside? All the things I've done? Am I proud?_

Some more tears come down my face. I dropped the tissue and let the tears go their way.

_I should get to bed. School tomorrow. My homework was still undone. Too much thoughts to work for school. I didn't care about it. But I was smart. School was my only chance to have a good and normal life. But do I want a normal life? Do I even deserve it?_

_Flashback_

"_She's always nice to others. So smart, sportive, cute. Look at her," a voice said._

_I looked up. My mother had a proud smile on her face. The other mothers were also looking at me, smiling, but I saw a bit of jealousy in each of their faces. I faked a weak smile to cover my angriness._

"_Don't you want to play with the other kids?" my mother asked._

_I turned around. All the 'normal' kids were playing in the grass. When I looked, some kids looked at me and laughed. I was the only one who wasn't playing with them. Playing dumb games._

"_Come' on May", my mother smiled. I looked at her and faked another smile before I walked to the group of kids._

_I looked at my dress. I didn't want to ruin my dress with those games. What happened with me? I was May. Always happy. Always wanted to play games. Always laughing. Is it normal for a 8 year old girl to hate childish games? Do all the 8 year old girls think as much as I?_

"_Hey, Mrs. Perfect wants to play with us!" a random kid screamed._

"_You don't feel better than us anymore?" another classmate asked._

"_I never-" I began._

"_May has to count!" some other boy screamed, interrupting me without shame._

"_She's better in counting than us anyways", the girl next to me smirked. The group kids laughed._

_I wanted to slap her so hard. I don't want to be here. I want to run away. I can't. My mother is still watching from far. I'm getting scared._

"_Let's start, everyone hide!" a redheaded girl screamed. All the kids run away and I closed my eyes and started to count._

_I felt a hand on my shoulder._

"_Hey May, everything's okay? I feel sorry for you," the same redheaded girl said. Her called Misty. She was also in my school, but I didn't know her good. Things I heard was that she was nice, but tough. She had courage._

_Next to her was Dawn. The blue haired girl looked at me with eyes full of pain. I knew Dawn for a long time. She was the nicest of all. She never bullied me. She was my friend. I always played with her and we were always happy. She never envied me. Maybe she even was the only one who didn't. That's one of the reasons I started to like her so much. She didn't knew much about me though. No one did. But I was happy enough she accepted me the way I was._

_I didn't know what to think of it. I liked the attention, but hated the compassion. I don't want others to have compassion with me. I equally don't want others to envy me. I'm not perfect. I never was._

"_I'm okay." I said. I lied._

"_You want to play something else?" Dawn asked._

"_I don't know." I said._

_I don't know what I want. I don't know what I feel._

_End of flashback_


	2. Changes

**Here's the second chapter, I hope you'll like it :)**

**Review please, just tell me what you think =] and thanks for the ones who reviewed already ;)**

**Warning: If you don't like flashbacks, don't read this story :P**

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><p>The sun was shining, birds were singing. Suddenly I remembered my dream of last night.<p>

_So much changed… Being brave became being dangerous. Being honest became lying all the time. Good became bad. _

_I don't know what to think. Were these good old times or bad old times? I have to admit I liked the attention of my classmates more than the attention of the police…_

_Come 'on May. You know you're not doing fine at all. Not doing fine? Ruining your whole life, if that didn't happen already. How did it come so far?_

My thoughts interrupted when my sapphire eyes caught those dark purple ones. Eyes full of evil. Eyes I never ever wanted to see again.

_It was him. Paul. He caused everything. It's all his fault._

I wanted to enter the school building without passing him, but I failed. He came my way. I could already smell his black leather jacket with the stink of cigarettes on it.

"Did you have fun with the police?" he grinned.

_One grin. One mean grin from Paul. That's enough for having you scared your whole life. _

"Leave me alone, Paul", I said shortly, not looking him in the eyes. I tried to walk further, but his enormous body blocked my way.

"You're so freaking annoying. Pretending being the victim, while you are the cause, just for some attention. When I give you some, you don't want it. Slut."

_If I was a murderer he would be the first victim, without doubts._

"Go away", I breathed.

"Fine. When you are raped, tell me the details, okay?" he grinned as he turned around and walked further.

Some more tears dropped down. I decided to take a seat on a random bench near my school. I didn't wanted to enter the school crying.

_I wanted Dawn to be here. I can't contact her. I banned my own phone. I'm scared that they'll call... I'm scared of everything._

_Every minute of the day I can get in some more trouble. No one can help me._

_Some more tears dropped down my face. Paul was already disappeared in the school building. _

_Paul. If I never would have met him… A normal girl would never like him. They're all frightened because of him. So why wasn't I frightened? Why did he caught my attention?_

_Flashback_

_Damn Dawn. Damn Paul. I'm here too. Look at me!_

_My head heated up seeing Dawn and Paul talking to each other. Paul was nice to her. Paul was nice?_

_Dawn was the girly girl, Paul the mean one and I was no one. When I stood next to Dawn, I felt like air. _

_I glared at Dawn. She told me she didn't like him. She was frightened deep inside, but she didn't dare to just run away. _

_Jealousy grew up. Why did he liked her, not me? He didn't even give me a look. _

_I'm the cool one. I always get the attention. No. I always got the attention._

_Right. Things changed. When we were twelve, it was time to leave our old school. Dawn and I went to a school where no one knew us. I didn't wear fluffy clothes anymore, I didn't smile all the time, I didn't say always 'yes' and I wasn't the perfect girl anymore._

_We changed into mysterious girls who no one knew. We attired dark, older students, like Paul. His dark eyes, black leather clothes, purple scary eyes and make-up scared the shit out of me. But there was something. Something special about him._

_Something I wish there never was._

_One single word. Why couldn't he just say at least one single word to me?_

_He probably thought I was boring, stupid, worth nothing. Nothing interesting to say. _

_Normal. Perfect. Again. Hell no._

_End of flashback_

I slowly breathed in and out. Looked around. Some boy was looking at me from far. He was not the only one, of course. But somehow the green haired boy caught my attention more then the other people who looked at me.

_Hey, didn't I saw that guy somewhere before? _

_Flashback_

"_It hurts", I said without any emotion._

_I looked up. No one reacted. Never thought handcuffs could be so painful. When I looked back at my arms, I saw some more blood. This couldn't be normal._

"_My arms bleeding!" I yelled as I halted._

_The policemen pushed me further and they didn't even gave a glare to my arm._

"_It's your own fault", the one who held my shoulder said monotonous, without looking at me._

_I hate the fucking police. Isn't it difficult enough to be declared as criminal under the eyes of all your friends, parents and family? Can't they show some respect for a fragile fourteen year old girl?_

_Everywhere walked police and several people I didn't knew. The men who guided me to the court had emotionless expressions on their faces. They said nothing. I didn't knew what would happen or what is happening. The only thing I knew is that in some minutes, I'll be ashamed. Ashamed for the rest of my life._

_The big black door beyond us closed. The whole courtroom had their eyes on me. Never thought it would be so many people._

_I crossed the eyes of mom and dad. They looked at me. Crying. Ashamed._

_Almost everyone looked at me with an nasty face. Like I was a criminal._

_But some people didn't. Their eyes were full of compassion. Compassion. I hated it even more then nastiness. I wanted to yell at these people to show who I am. I am dangerous, I am bad. They should get that right._

_But the shame was so hard. All my courage was gone in some minutes. Everything in the future looked dark. Everyone'll hate me. They'll be scared of me. I won't meet nice persons ever again. I ruined everything… _

_The judge took some time to prepare himself. Meanwhile everyone still looked at me. They were still looking at me._

_My breath accelerated. My stomach was jumping up and down. I wanted to vomit._

_Don't look at me! I want to run away, but I can't. I'm stuck. Forever._

_I turned around and saw the black door. It was locked and there was police to protect it._

_Even behind me everyone was looking at me. All the policemen stared at me and whispered to each other. They all said horrible things. I heard everything._

_All those faces. All full of hate, pain or silly compassion._

_Only one boy. One boy I didn't know. A green haired boy. He stood against the wall and looked around with an annoyed face. He seemed not to care about the whole thing._

_Suddenly he looked deep in my eyes. He looked at me on a… special way. Looking at the inside of me, not the outside. Reading my thoughts, clearing my mind. Without any prejudice. He did it like no one in the court did. He did it like no one EVER did._

_End of flashback_


	3. Mysterious guy

**Hey guys :D Remember me? Remember the story? :) I wasn't sure if I would continue this or not. But, I decided to at least give it another :) It's short, i'm sorry. In every case it's better than nothing right? :P Sorry for the bad English :s Enjoy!**

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><p><em>Yes, it was him. I'd never forget the way he looked at me back then.<em>

The boy kept looking at me and eventually came closer. My heartbeat fastened as I tried to hold my tears.

"So, tell me. Why have you done these things?"

The green haired boy stood in front of me. His emerald eyes had a mysterious glance, but the rest of his face showed no emotions.  
><em>He asked that as if it was nothing. Yes.<em>

"Who are you?" I asked. My voice sounded unstable. We both knew each other well enough, but still.

"I'm the son of the judge." he said as he nonchalantly flicked his green hair.

_Shocked. I was completely shocked._

"Typical." I said rudely giving him a glare full of anger. Afterwards I took my backpack and tried to walk away.

_I should have known. I can trust nobody. Nobody trusts me. Of course. This boy is just here to control me, damn him! I should have known! Damn police, damn everything!_

"Wait." He said grabbing my arm.

"What do you want?" I snapped back as I pulled my arm out his grip.

"I want to help you, May."

"Don't call me by name, you don't even know me!" I exclaimed.

The boy rolled with his eyes. He took my hand, opened it and put a little paper in it. He looked deep in my eyes while closing my hand again.

_His eyes. That look. He was so sure of himself. And there was so much trust into them...  
>M<em>_ay. Never trust anyone. You've fallen so many times in those traps. Not again._

I pulled back my hand and avoided his look. I walked away by holding my hand clenched.

Once the green haired boy couldn't see anymore, I took a fast, courious peek at the little paper.

_'Saturday, 3 pm. I hope you'll be there. You can trust me._  
><em>I know Paul. I want to talk about it.'<em>


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